A West Texas family returned from the grocery store one Saturday morning with some groceries, which they left on the table while they went out. While they were gone, their pet parrot flew into the kitchen and ate a whole roll of baloney. Fully gorged, he waddled out the door and climbed onto the handle of the old pump and dozed off. Meanwhile, a thunderstorm blew in and a big clap of nearby thunder frightened the parrot. When he tried to jump off the pump, the handle flew up and knocked him down. The parrot looked up and said, “It just goes to show you, you shouldn’t fly off the handle when you’re full of baloney.”
One speaker had this to say about his invitation to speak: “There’s an interesting background to my speaking invitation. They wanted to get the most eloquent speaker available, but he declined; so next they wanted to invite the best educated speaker around, but he wouldn’t come; finally, they decided to invite the best looking speaker in the area, and, you know, when they asked me the third time, I just couldn’t turn them down three times in a row!!!